Letters that Never Up

Bamby Cahyadi

How do you alleviate the memories? Are the aperture and see the old photo albums? Or accept to backlash songs that arm-twist memories of your past.

Oh, could aswell watch a movie. Did Not like memories of old films that played repeatedly. But, not so for me. For me, memories accumulation up on the pages and pages of belletrist that never terkirimkan.

Maybe I'm too low self-esteem at that time. At that time, I'm a man who had no charm. So all my wishes, hopes and even my love, I address as a letter to anyone that I never beatific him.

Dozens, even hundreds of belletrist accept I fabricated at that time. And, it all just a accumulation of abortive papers. Yes, useless. Where anytime apperceive who I Surati, because the letter I never beatific him. So aswell in Olivia Soares.

Sweet babe who accompanied us, Student Regiment, who was accomplishing amusing account for a ages at Tim-Tim several years ago. Afore the arena through a election to be an absolute state.

***

I accord a letter anachronous May 19, 1994, is in my hand. "How Did I apprehend it for you?" I asked a little uncertainly.

The woman just blot smile and nod. "Read it for me," he said quietly.

***

Tasikmalaya, May 19, 1994.

To Olivia Soares. In Manatuto East Timor.

Hi Olivia ...! No added algidity adoration that consistently kumohonkan in God, but apprehend you and your ancestors consistently get God's protection. So too for your success in learning, in accomplishing your appetite and your love.

Oliv ... Soon I will accord with the division holidays. It was a relief, afterwards a few weeks to face a array of active assay and lab work. How about you? Vacation is not it?

Do you accept a barn affairs to ample the canicule off? Hopefully already. But if not, I accept a plan to yield on anniversary with me on the arena Parahyangan. In Tatar Sunda, in Tasikmalaya, my hometown.

Oliv, if a year ago, I never adore the attraction of alien littoral after-effects of East Timor who kissed beaches and apricot lips. My skin, broiled by the hot sun, dry Manatuto City. Fascinated with fabrics and knick-knacks tais sandalwood acreage of your birth. Even the winding-liukan I helped my body, affected to the Tebe-tebe ball in the courtyard house. Now, it's time you should adore the agreeableness that is in my hometown.

Oliv, my best friend, lover in my apperception ...

If you appear to my hometown in Tasikmalaya. Maybe I can adore those times with you liburku with action happy. Certainly not traveling to let you just lie on a auberge room. You accept to kuajak Tawulan adore the admirable Apricot Coast.

I know, even if you reside in littoral areas. But you will acquisition addition atmosphere at the Apricot Bank Tawulan it. The bank was, absolutely beautiful. If abandoned there was no island in this accompaniment map. Maybe the beach, it has been adapted into a bank of adopted travelers. Coast of the Gods.

To ability the beach, do not crave a continued time. We abandoned crave about two and a bisected hours to get there from my house. During the trip, you can adore the accustomed backdrop archetypal of West Java which is green, air-conditioned blooming eyes and of advance actual altered from attributes in your abode to grow.

Later, afterwards we are annoyed with adequate the adorableness of age-old apricot reefs in the Apricot Coast Tawulan. We can appoint in meditation, adequate the majesty of God in the bosom of a admirable little island on the beach.

Oh yes, you too would I allure to absorb the adorableness of the atrium of Mount Galunggung afterwards that.

Olivia, lover in my mind. Of advance we would not do this aural a day of anniversary travel. Still no tomorrow. I go aback to my house. You acknowledgment to the hotel. However, afore you go to bed, will kupetik strings harp and singing songs sunda. You'll like it.

To ability Mount Galunggung, we just yield it aural one hour drive. Forth the way afterwards on, you can see, how angry nature, the calefaction of the bedrock is ejected from the abdomen Galunggung bounce ago, has accustomed bearing to a beauteous accustomed beauty. Now, the adversity breadth that has become a admirable village. As if, me, us, us, them, accept forgotten, how the breadth was devastated during a adversity if Mount Galunggung erupted.

Ah, apologetic Oliv. I do not ambition to admire the disaster. Forget it.

There, now there is a hot bounce pool. We can absorb for hours, absolution fatigue. Or, if you're not tired, I'll allure you to ascend up to the top of the abundance and see the ocean like a baby atrium on top of the mountain.

I'm sure, you too will be afraid by the adorableness of edelweiss flowers are broadcast forth the road. Then, if we are still a lot of time. We will blow abreast a avalanche that consistently rumble, bergemericik and billowing smoke-ngepulkan.

Olivia, how tanggapanmu about vacation affairs that accept been kususun for you? Absorbing is not it? I'm abiding you'll absolutely adore liburmu happy. Ah, of advance I'm aswell actual happy, if the lover in my mind, absolutely ambition to appear accommodated my invitation.

I delay your answer. Greetings to ancestors and friends.

Yours consistently sweet.

I, who consistently absence you.

***

This letter, I acquisition in arenaceous in my mailbox. My mother put it in the warehouse. And, this letter is actual absorbing attention. In fact, added belletrist were lying in the box.

You know? Afterwards top school, I had formed in a telecommunication aggregation in Jakarta's largest. Two years I formed there. Then, a non-United Nations (UN), offered a job with acceptable accomplishment and acceptable career. Of advance the action was not kutampik.

Yes, once, in college. I am the man had no charm. Added precisely, I was a personality not confident, insecure. Following Menwa action at the time, one of the affidavit to annihilate aftertaste minderku. Maybe successful, maybe not. The proof, so far I'm the man who lived alone. Without a lover, let abandoned a wife.

So, I larboard the country, although with a abundant heart. I'm apologetic for abrogation the mother abandoned at home. But my mother accurate me. Assuredly I flew to New York. At UN address arresting that I served, as IT staff. If the beachcomber of ameliorate swept Indonesia, I did not move. I can abandoned abashed in foreground of the television, as she afford tears. I do not apperceive for whom.

Reform in Indonesia, abounding election for East Timor. Then, Tim-Tim independence, East Timor became a sovereign. Ability was accomplished by claret and tears, is not it?

Olivia Soares. The name was addictive and simple to pronounce. Unlike the added names. However, I acquisition it actual difficult. Seemed to access the bracken to acquisition the behemothic and meetings. Such as award a aisle in close forest. Or, like searching for all-overs in a haystack.

After the letter I beatific was never found, I'm absolutely sorry. Rice has become porridge. I do not know, whether he be a allotment of the pro-integration or who ambition an absolute and sovereign.

All answered already, afterwards a few canicule ago my anxiety collapsed on the airport of Dili, Timor Leste, a hot and dusty.

***

"May I see the letter?" Ask the woman in foreground of me.

"Oh, sure, abiding can" I tergeragap. Apparently I was absent afterwards account the capacity of the letter.

I handed the letter with abashed hands. He accustomed it with a smile at me.

"Your autograph so good. Actual neat, if I heard earlier, it is actual beautiful. Frankly I'm thrilled, "she said, searching at the cardboard whose blush is not white anymore, but brown.

"Thanks," I replied curtly.

"If this letter came to duke ...," he was blind sentence. "Of advance it did not appear like this," he went on sighing.

"Forgive me, Olivia. Yes, you are a lover in my mind, "I said with agitation lips.

Olivia afresh approved to sit. With abundant accomplishment and helped me, assuredly he could aswell sit down and leaned adjoin the pillow. He still holds the cardboard letter. His eyes glazed, like he was crying.

"I ambition to adore the adorableness of the Apricot Coast Tawulan. Do you ambition to accompany me? "

I captivated her hand, I capital to accord him strength. I capital to hug her. The physique is frail, attenuate physique ashamed cancerous blight that has ability over the fate of his life. That is why, afterwards accepting the account about Olivia from a acquaintance in allegation of UN agents in Dili. I asked for permission to leave, abiding to his citizenry and anon flew aback to Dili.

"Are you accustomed to leave the hospital?" I asked seriously.

"I'm apathetic here. Even if I accept to die, I ambition to die on the bank that you acquaint it. Or at the aiguille of Mount Galunggung. I ambition to die there. "

Olivia and rose. He captivated my duke to go. There is no footfall we walk, he fell down. Luckily I captivated it. Breakable body, I aces her up and I lay aback in bed hospital.

"So you're actuality just to apprehend the letter?" He asked, afterwards acquaintance baffled himself again.

"Yes, Oliv. I'm searching down to Dili, I ambition to yield you to adore the bank in West Java there. Yield you to the top of the mountain, "I thought. But attending at your condition, whether it is possible? No Oliv, I met to bear the letter. The letter bothers me.

"I'm sorry, yes. I can not vacation with you as you wrote in this letter. Can you bake this letter for me? "

I was shocked. Still with abashed hands, I accustomed my letter back.

"Burn," he said quietly.

I befuddled my head.

"Forget about me. Forget the capacity of the letter. Thanks been disturbing to appear here, "she said, sobbing. Tears flowed advisedly down her cheeks, she afresh rubbed with the hands.

The calefaction of blaze and bake the letter. Merenggas cardboard and the capacity therein. Undid all my memories of him, and ambition to allure Olivia vacation in my hometown. Cardboard is now angry into ashes, afresh destroyed dry wind whistling that access through the hospital allowance window.

Time is arresting everything. Absorb all the memories and reality. Olivia is a candied babe who had a cheerful, now lying low cat-and-mouse times of death. And I was the man who was block memories, through a letter that never terkirimkan. A letter to Olivia that never accomplished .***

Jakarta, 2009-2010

Inspired by a fragment of a letter: Affi Endah Navilah